1-- This essay bored me to tears. It is so cut and paste that it seems like a computer wrote it. I guess technically the format is okay, but it's the content that makes the essay unenjoyable. Besides, the fact that it says "[College X]", the fact that it mentions a college at all, just doesn't make this essay shine for me at all.
2-- Too repetetive. The writing feels very choppy, and I think that can be attributed to the fact that there's no variety in sentence structure. And besides, there's an entire paragraph that is unnecessary (the second one). This essay might have potential, maybe, with the whole "goals are important" idea, but it would need to be completely rewritten. The essay is very impersonal, and it ends on the statement that he has not achieved a goal. This essay just doesn't do it for me.
3-- This essay. I was very impressed by the writing style, as well as how confident the author had to be to write an essay like this. It says absolutey nothing about him as a person, only in his competency as a writer. It is very entertaining, though. I think that this essay is one of the better college essays that I have ever read, and it is certainly memorable.
4-- CLICHE. AIEEE. Also, every word on a new line is capitalized. It's a sports essay and an essay about a dog. That's a double cliche. That's not okay. The essay did seem like it was written with meaning, but I think more could have been done with it.
5-- This essay is pretty well written, and it draws emotion, which is good. However, it highlights more of the author's family than it does the author. It is more about the experience and less about what they learned. It think that if this essay took a better approach, it could be very nice.
6-- Great hook. Great word choice. Very well written. This is another essay that I like. It, too, details an experience, but it concludes with how the experience affected the author. The essay is also very entertaining to read. All in all, a very nice essay.
7-- This essay is interesting. It takes the common "comment on an experience that influenced you" prompt to a different level. The author comments on three aspects of their life that influenced them, but concludes with stating that the biggest influence on the author was the author them self. Decently well written entertaining to read. I like it.
8-- Sports essay. It's written about how football will help the author be a better person. I do not like this essay.
9-- Another very well written essay. And it touches on a very sensitive topic. It, too, tells a story and then how it affected the author. I enjoyed the style, as well as the essay itself.
If I had to accept only five of these essays, they would be numbers three, six, seven, and nine without a doubt. These four are written with a style that put them above the rest of the essays, and are entertaining to read. As for the fifth, it's tough. I think, though, I have to go with number five, mainly because of the interesting spin it takes. As for the two that get scholarships, those of course would be numbers six and nine. They responded to the prompt well, it was written in a unique voice, and they were entertaining to read.
College Essay Info Packet Response
One of the best pieces of advice that the packet gave me was making sure that the author focuses on their authentic voice, and not writing about what they think the college wants to hear. It seems like the success of essays is directly related to how unique they are, and that uniqueness can be achieved through the author's own voice. Another is to not use flowery language. Often times colleges can see this as pretentious, and such language does not portray the author in a flattering, or accurate, light. The last piece of advice that I found really helpful was to not try just one version. Sometimes the author might have a good topic, but they need to rewrite their essay (not just drafts) a few times to get the right approach. This task can seem daunting, but in the end proves helpful.
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